that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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