Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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