Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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