i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
