why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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