My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
