Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
