just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
