Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
