She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
