I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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