it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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