god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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