Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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