I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
