Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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