i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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