ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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