can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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