If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
