You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
