remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
