no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
