i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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