i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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