You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
