I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
