can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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