You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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