its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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