Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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