White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
