omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
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Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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