i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
