If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Couch. On fire.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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