I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
