I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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