I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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