Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
