Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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