Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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