u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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