4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
third nipple confirmed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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