I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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