he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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