im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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