Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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