i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
50% drunk capacity currently
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
