I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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