Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
