never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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