She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize