Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
