is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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