did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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