6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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