If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
