my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
