we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
