Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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