i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We are all done wearing pants today
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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