i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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