Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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