well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
