Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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