I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
