If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
