so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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