You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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