Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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