Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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